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| Path: Main Street : Resources & Library : Research Articles : Feature Article |
When befriending the lonely, you must go the whole distanceby Bruce Raymond
November 19, 1997; Canadian FundRaiserWhen newspapers publish articles and press releases about volunteer activity, the emphasis is very often on volunteering in the charity fund-raising sector. Not all of us, however, are born fund-raisers. Many of us dislike going out asking for money, no matter how worthwhile the cause. And many people don't realize that the society in which we live, particularly in the developed nations, has created a massive number of people who can best be described as "chronically lonely".
Loneliness has little to do with one's age or financial resources. Furthermore, loneliness can not always be overcome by going out or joining groups. One can be very lonely indeed, even in a crowd of dozens of people, if the group encounter does not radiate a true sense of caring on a personal level.
Visiting the elderly, visiting the mentally depressed, doing someone's shopping, making daily "cheer-up" phone calls - all are valuable enrichments to the life of lonely people, and no fund-raising is involved. Almost every community nowadays has a volunteer organization which can direct you to an organization in your area which provides "visiting" services.
However, there is one important point to remember. Once you start providing companionship to someone, if the chemistry is right - if you relate well to each other - that person will soon become dependent upon you. So once you start, be prepared to go the whole distance. Don't make appointments and then cancel them. Don't spend your visiting time bewailing your own lot in life. Don't subject the person you are helping to your religious or political opinions, and above all, don't try to create a convert to your point of view. On a more mundane level, don't turn up for your appointed visit looking at your watch. Remember that the person or persons you have volunteered to help will soon look forward to your visit as the highlight of their week. Make it just that - a highlight that will leave the other person in a happier frame of mind, not even more depressed or lonely.
It would not take too much stretch of the imagination to divide the world's population into two parts - the lonely and the rest of us. Television and books can provide a certain amount of diversion, but they are lonely pursuits. Only a human being can remove a feeling of loneliness and helplessness from another. If you are going to be that kind of volunteer, you will be providing a service to society every bit as helpful as raising money. You will be raising spirits. And no amount of money can do that, no matter what the television commercials preach.
Bruce Raymond has been active as a volunteer leader in the charitable sector, most recently serving as president and then chairman of the Variety Children's Charity. This article is based on material from his forthcoming book, "Seven Golden How-To Rules for Volunteers, or How to get the most out of doing for nothing what you wouldn't do for money". For more information, call (416) 485-3406, or fax (416) 487-3820.
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