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But I don't write like this ... what would my friends say?
by Steve Thomas
May 22, 1995; Canadian FundRaiser
How many times have we heard this when we present our carefully honed letter copy to the board member, executive director, or celebrity who is to sign it? This is usually followed by: "What would my friends say? ... "I don't use contractions" ... "You can't start sentences with 'but' or 'and'" ... "a couple of short paragraphs is really all you need here" ... "no hokey stories, just the facts" ...or some such.
This is for you, fellow fundraiser. Show it to all who sign your letters.
A direct mail fundraising letter has one main purpose, and that is to raise funds for your organization. It is not a personal or business letter, nor is it an ego trip. Crafting such a letter --- yes it's hard work --- should be left to experts, or those who have studied the masters such as Gerry Huntsinger, Con Squires, Mal Warwick or Ken Wyman.
Good fundraising letters are written in Grade 10 English. That's even if they are written to university professors. Good fundraising letters use the 'spoken' English of a conversation. Many good copywriters dictate their letters for this reason. Good fundraising letters use stories much the same as the parables that Jesus used. In tests, letters written in this style always beat those that aren't. Always.
Now, I'm not telling the signer to "butt out". She, or he, has an important responsibility --- to ensure that the letter accurately portrays the organization, its mandate, its goals, and its values. But once that is done, dear signer, please leave the craft to those who have studied it.
If the signer insists on a 'personal' style, s/he is costing your organization money. Lots of it. The signer is, without putting a fine point on it, working against the organization. Find a new signer.
Stephen Thomas is president of Stephen Thomas Associates, a direct mail fundraising consultancy based in Toronto. He can be reached at (416) 690-8801; Fax (416) 690-7256.