Knot enough time
December 12, 2005
By Cam Tait
I put the tie around my neck, with the wide end on the right side. I pulled it down - not too far, though - and then crossed the two pieces, with the widest side over the small end. I pulled the wide part under and then through.
Those are the first few steps of tying a double Windsor knot for a tie: something I have done thousands of times, and something I'll probably do a few more. But chances are, tying a tie might never again have as much meaning as it did one evening last week.
I made sure the material was tight as it could be.
I met Rolf Ullrich in 1973 in a hospital room at the Glenrose School Hospital. Rolf's tall legs filled the hospital bed. He was 18 and his life was turned upside down when the car he was riding in crashed. Rolf had a very high spinal cord injury and basically didn't have any movement from the neck down.
I tucked the wide piece of the tie under the narrow part, and then pulled it tight - very tight - and threaded it down the right side of the piece running from my neck.
Rolf had trouble sitting up in a chair to attend classes so he completed most of Grade 11 and 12 from his hospital room. I went to visit him every recess, where we formed a great friendship.
Next, I took the wide piece on the right side and draped it over the two knots in the middle.
Rolf was brilliant. So it was no big surprise he went to university to follow his dream of being a lawyer. By now he had the strength to sit up in a power chair.
We were brought together again as roommates in a group home for adults for disabilities. One day after work Rolf heard me turn the corner. He called me into his room. He was in the final stages of law school and had a function to attend. "I need to wear a tie," he said. "I need someone to tie it for me. Will you?" I was flattered, and told Rolf it was my dad who taught me how to tie a tie.
Shortly after, Rolf was admitted to the bar. So every Sunday evening I would go in his room, he would pick five ties for the week, and I would tie them. Even after I moved out into my apartment we still shared time every Sunday night tying ties.
Then, seven years ago, my wife and I moved into a new condo that had support services for people in wheelchairs. Rolf was in the building, too. I called one Sunday night to see if he needed any ties tied.
"No thanks," he said. "I've taught other people to tie them."
I took the wide piece of my new tie and threaded it through the round knot. I pulled tight and made sure I squeezed it in the middle so there was a little dimple right below the knot; the thing Rolf took so much pride in.
We lost Rolf ten days ago. He had a massive stroke and passed away several hours later. I was late for his prayer service because I had to have one more look in the mirror to make sure my knot was properly centred and that the dimple was where it should be.
That's what Rolf would have wanted.
Cam Tait is a sports reporter and columnist for the Edmonton Journal. He covered community investments and volunteers for 19 years. E-mail Cam at cam@charityvillage.com with thoughts, suggestions or ideas.
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